Yep, you read it right. I started this blog in 2012. I haven't kept up on it obviously, but I have had the overwhelming feeling I need to start again. Mostly for our family history, but hopefully to help someone along their way through some of our same trials.
We had decided to try to get pregnant pretty much immediately after we had Kaisen. What we thought would be no problem, turned into a much bigger story. Since our last post I had surgery to remove my thyroid, the suspected cause of my infertility. After a few months when my thyroid levels were in the normal range they let me try clomid again. This was my 5th time of taking this yucky medicine, but we had really high hopes it would work now that my body was finally regulated and healthy. After 4 or 5 months of taking clomid I was still not pregnant. I talked to my doctor and she really didn't know why. At that point we decided maybe it was time to try the road to adoption. We started getting everything ready, but when it got to paying our money something just didn't feel right. Something always got in the way of me having the opportunity to pay the money we needed to. I decided maybe it was because we needed to explore further into my infertility. We made an appointment and went to the University of Utah Reproductive Endocrinology in early March. After a few tests and ultrasounds, what we again thought shouldn't be too difficult, turned into something bigger. One of the ultrasounds showed my left tube was swollen and somewhat blocked. We decided to do surgery in early May to see what was going on and if there was endometriosis built up again. We were also warned that if my left tube was blocked they may have to remove it. We hoped for the best and knew we were in the best of hands. I seriously have the best doctor in the world!! Anyways, it ended up the tube was completely blocked and they had to remove it. He was nervous that if we had to do IVF at some point, it would swell up again and drip fluid on the embryos. This fluid dripping down would kill them, so I opted to have it removed since it wasn't functioning anyways.
The doctor wanted us to try a few rounds of IUI with an HCG shot 3 times before moving forward with more aggressive treatments. The only problem with that is the follicles had to be on the right side. The first 2 rounds didn't work and then we took a few months off due to vacation and moving. Once we were ready again, we went back for our routine ultrasound for our IUI. Unfortunately the follicles were on the left side. The doctor had been worried that my right tube had been damaged also and couldn't move the eggs to where they should be. He told us at that last appointment he felt we were wasting money and time. He felt our only chance would be either through IVF(invitro fertilization) or adoption. I am still waiting for this devastating news to sink in honestly since it was only 2 weeks ago. There is a very small chance we could get pregnant naturally, but it will most likely never happen. He felt we should choose IVF since I am at the prime age to have healthy eggs that would be most successful with IVF. He also felt we would have the opportunity to freeze some and get a few pregnancies from the first round. Everything looks great for us to have good success with this.
We have applied to the Miracle Fund, a grant for patients going through IVF for their first time that meet the income requirements. This could potentially cover all costs(not sure about medication). If we don't get this grant, we will have had time to save money towards either IVF or adoption. At this point we are saving as much as we can and keeping our minds open. If the chance to adopt came or we felt inspired that we should go that direction we would be well on our way for that also. We know we will adopt and we really want to. At this point we are leaving it up to the Lord to guide us the right direction. I sure wish I knew what that plan was right now, but I will do my best to be patient through all of it.
I debated for a long time about posting about all of this, but really kept feeling we needed to be open about all of this. The best thing people suffering with infertility and child loss can do is network. I have had so many friends that have helped me through some very hard times with both of these. My hope is to be that inspiration for anyone else going through this, or at the very least to let you know you are not alone. This path has often felt lonely, especially with having both lost a child and infertility. The one thing I have to rely on and remember is my Heavenly Father and Jesus Christ understand on a level no one else can. They have carried me through so much and I know they will get me through this. The atonement is real and powerful! I am so grateful for my eternal journey and my eternal family!! I will leave with this quote:
“The Lord compensates the faithful for every loss. That which is taken away from those who love the Lord will be added unto them in His own way. While it may not come at the time we desire, the faithful will know that every tear today will eventually be returned a hundredfold with tears of rejoicing and gratitude.”-Elder Joseph B. Wirthlin of the Quorum of the Twelve Apostles (1917–2008), “Come What May, and Love It,” Ensign, Nov. 2008, 28.
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